On being made for this . . .

Floors are dirty again . . . . vegetable boxes need unloading, dishes have piled up, and my brain is spinning from way too many conversations half started, text messages barely returned and science fair projects madly in progress. So. Much. To. Do. Before. China.

In the middle of all of the crazy, I am a globe, spinning around an epicenter.  You, baby girl.  You mark my days, you fill my thoughts, you are my goal. . . . China is coming, in T minus seven days.  I will reach out for your hand in less than two weeks.  We are almost legal family now.

My heart just keeps breaking open a little wider.  It happens when the charm necklace arrives back in the mail with your new name added on next to Naomi and Quinn’s and I open it and barely breath.  It’s when I frame the original artwork we bought you months ago, the Asian Cinderella with song bird on her shoulder.  It’s when Quinn pulls a long-loved book off the shelf and says “let’s read THIS one to JQ!”  and we pack it into the suitcase we are already filling with activities for the days in China.  These are the moments of my days now . . . days full of the bittersweet beauty of being a family of four.

Soon you will join us, little girl.  And you, all nine years of you, will change us forever.

We are ready.  Bring it on.  You can only make us better, purer, stronger, freer, wiser and more joyful.

I choose joy.  I choose hope.  I choose to walk into a future powered by Love and see it be good. It will be good.  You and us – we fit together.  We might not have been made for each other, but we are still a perfect match.

I wake up and I ask questions on my yahoo groups of other parents who have adopted older children from China, I head out front to finish stripping and sanding the ancient beauty of a desk I bought you – I will paint it red.   I make arrangements for your doctor, your dentist, your school.  I share my heart for you with classrooms and small groups.  I live in the miracle of adoption.  I shop for you, picking out a rainbow loom, sculpey clay, coloring books, flashcards for your ABC’s.  Somehow I know just what you will need, just what you want, just how to help you feel safe, known and loved in China and back here at home.

I was MADE for this.

I was MADE to be your second mother . . . your adoptive mom.  Your greatest admirer.  Your friend.  Your safe place.  Your mama.

Here we go.  You and me.  You and us. Foreigners that have become family.  Believe in the beauty, Mei Mei (little sister).  I do.  We were MADE for this.

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